Are dating apps devaluing real love?

We met on Hinge.

Films and books often fixate on ‘the one’ — a scary concept that there is only one person whose soul will match yours. The one who makes you feel whole, your first and last waking thought of every day.

Obviously, you reach a point where you realise the romance portrayed in films depicts mostly unhealthy and toxic idealisms of love. obsession is mistaken for infatuation, emotional abusive for passion and control is masked with care.

Dating apps suggest a contrasting theory to the idea that there are limited soul mates in the world for everyone. However, this idea isn’t any less scary. Instead of just ‘the one’, dating apps exercise the idea that there is in fact hundreds, thousands. So, when you get bored of one you can just begin swiping again.

One in three relationships in the UK now start online and even though it’s so common for people to meet online I still struggle to ignore the stigma that surrounds these apps and ways of meeting people. Although dating apps provide a stress free way of meeting people, they create the idea that people are disposable.

You make a very quick decision based on somebody’s appearance and swipe left or right to confirm your choice. Inorganic, unnatural and forced are some of the words which come to mind when you think of these apps.

The digital age has changed love’s narrative. Love is not waiting to be found anymore, instead we are actively seeking it through our online and overcompensated personalities. Forget an intense connection with a stranger on public transport and believing in love at first sight,

the only connection people need these days is for their phones.

A fundamental rule of human behaviour suggests the idea that the bigger the community the faster people move. As capitalism turns small into big, everyone is moving a little too fast to fall in love naturally.

Perhaps that’s why dating apps are so convenient, they are a nice little safety net for us to know if we want to search, then we can.

The concept of dating only really began in the turn of the 20th century, but since then has come a long way. Dating began structured on societal and financial goals, and the only opportunity you would have to meet somebody would be within your household or at a social gathering.

Dating for a long time and even now, is still very centred around what a man decides and what a woman merely accepts. Unfortunately, there is still a lot of sexism around ideas of dating which because of stereotypes proves very hard to reverse.

It was only by the 1920s that dating had replaced the male orientated idea of ‘courtship’ in which men would ‘court’ the women they had become fond of. Dating opened up the possibility of falling in love moving away from relationships built upon societal pressures.

Romance was the new thing and dating offered an exciting way to explore yourself and infatuate over your lover, without the added coerce of needing to climb the social ladder.

The 1950s continued the organic nature of falling in love. Sex was finally being discussed without the shameful feeling that had existed before. However, sex becoming less taboo will be something that is always progressing over time as norms develop and change.

As decades passed, liberation took over and youth culture in love began to shape what we recognise it as today. Rules for dating dispersed and ‘hook ups’ became the new fad. It wasn’t long before Match.com was created in 1995. And suddenly love had become monopolised, an electronic game of curating and finding a partner was a viable option which people were really keen to try.

Modern dating is characterised by the online world, but people aren’t just meeting on apps specifically designed for finding a match. Social media sites such as Instagram, Facebook and even Twitter have the ability to connect people that would never have the opportunity to meet otherwise.

Dating apps provide a beautiful opportunity for people to meet whose lives would have never collided otherwise,

over time as generations have evolved, the importance of your inner self has never been so meaningful, dating apps provide a chance to refine your niche type because there is an emphasis of having that vast choice.

So although in some ways dating has been enhanced through having options, I can’t help but think we are losing some authenticity.

The forced nature of going out of your way to find someone contrasts with the romanticised idea of being in the 'right place at the right time'. Maybe I am brainwashed by films and books, but sometimes I feel, isn't real love supposed to be built upon things happening because they were 'meant to be'?

That line you’ve heard in films and I’m sorry if you’ve heard it in person too:

"Right person, wrong timing".

timing is sentimentalised in films and relationships are often painted as harmonious meetings that naturally grow into love.

So perhaps modern love is forced,

perhaps in the fast paced world we live in, it is hard to meet someone by chance.

surely if that was the case, we would always have to be actively searching because what if you miss your one chance?

The beauty of dating apps is that you can live in the present without having to be aware of noticing if somebody’s morals match up with yours or if they share the same music taste as you. You can just relax, be present, enjoy your time and maybe in that way it will be meant to be.

Dating apps may be changing the discourse but I’m grateful to have been able to meet somebody I would have never had crossed paths with otherwise.